new year's resolutions, of a sort. bridget jones style. or desires, more so.

• work on taking my meds on time. i'm still bad at this, decades into being a daily medication taker. figure out how to figure it out.
• try to become more aware of why i'm reacting strongly, if i am. i think i spent a chunk of this year and esp this last month (higher stress so more reactive generally) feeling vaguely shitty and not knowing why. and so realising that, like: 1. i am still dysphoric. i get weird about it. certain things are trigger topics for dysphoria and that's okay but i need to work on how i deal what i do with those feelings, because lashing out at other people is unfair. 2. i am nervous about moving out. that is also fine! i don't love change or transitions but i know this will be good and i'm excited but i need to understand that because i don't like change it's also going to feel bad until it's done. so in the interim i just have to pack and do things to make me feel calm and happy. 3. starting blocking people more, and logging off more. spend less time on social media when it is making me upset.
• be more honest with what i need. was going to write 'be kinder' but that's not actually like. a doable thing. i think i am as kind as i am, but i can make myself more understandable and pleasant by just expressing my needs. if i'm in a really fucked mood, tell someone. or tell people 'i am stressed about x thing'. not like 'so you have to be nice to me' but just, no one knows. they just know i'm in a weird funk. maybe more than i often do.
• figure out diet. not Diet diet but like. what to eat to not feel so bad all the time. more veg, less meat, less greasy food (fatty seems fine, just greasy is a trigger). less acid.
• maybe see if i can figure out a therapist sitch. that would be neat.
• come out to coworkers. change name. small things only.